Beautiful famous women have something new in common beyond the same aesthetician: all of them are “looking for a man in finance”. Nicole Kidman has been seen with Michael Reinstein, founder of a private equity firm based in LA; Olivia Rodrigo has been spotted with Julian Croonenberghs, an investor with Hg Capital; and Reese Witherspoon has been dating financier Oliver Haarmann for the last two years.
A few years ago, dating a man in finance would've been something women felt compelled to confess in, say, a dark room where nobody could possibly overhear them.
The act itself was almost a source of shame, one that reflected superficial values and cast you into a gold-digging caricature. Well, now it’s more like a badge of honour that can be worn with pride, a trend to follow if you want to be like one of the cool girls.
Two years on from 29-year-old Megan Boni’s viral TikTok jingle (“I’m looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6ft 5in. Blue eyes…”) it seems that the brainwashing was successful – did I mention that all of the aforementioned men are rather tall? – and whatever negative connotations we once associated with finance bros have long been forgotten.
Cold, obsessive, ruthless, and almost always bordering on alcoholism or sociopathy, the stereotypical finance guy is hardly someone that appeals.
So, have we had it wrong this whole time? It’s a fascinating pivot when you consider the trajectory of the aforementioned celebrities’ love lives; Kidman’s most recent ex was a musician (Keith Urban).
Rodrigo’s? An actor (Louis Partridge). And Witherspoon was married to Ryan Phillippe for eight years.
Creative men have long been the de facto partners for famous heterosexual women, the thesis being that they were the cool, smart, forward-thinking feminists with kind eyes and good hair. Everyone else was inferior debris.
Now, the tide has turned. It would be myopic to say it’s all about the money, though arguably there’s a pretty strong case to be made for high net worth women wanting to be with high net worth men. For Michelle*, 33, who has been dating a lovely, kind and generous financier for several months, it marks a surprising change from the string of emotionally unavailable, non-committal creatives she’d dated previously.
“We spend a lot of time talking about stocks and shares and where they’re at today and where he hopes they're going,” she admits. “I know how much he earned last year, how much he invested yesterday and so on.
I’ve never had that happen with someone at this early-ish stage in the dating cycle. But, I suppose it’s like dating a graphic designer and him sharing his latest work.” The negativity tends to stem from other people, who are quick to judge Michelle’s new partner before having even met him based on his career.
Creative men have long been the de facto partners for famous heterosexual women, the thesis being that they were the cool, smart, forward-thinking feminists. Now, the tide has turned
“Some smirk, some snark and others go ‘of course’,” she says. “And I think some of my friends are a bit intimidated by it. But that’s their issue with their own situations.”
When it comes to dates, he also pays for everything.
“I can’t decipher if it’s because he’s a very traditional gent or because he can and wants to. I have paid for some smaller things and he’s been really grateful and quite shocked – I think a lot of people take him for granted and as a result he’s quite scarred from the way previous partners have approached him and ultimately his wealth. I haven’t told him how much I earn.”
For Jenny*, 33, the finance bro offers a refreshing alternative to the flaky, lethargic, and unreliable f*** boys she has dated in the past. “They’re up at 5.30am, they’re off to Third Space, and they look annoyingly good,” she says. They’re also extremely proactive, booking dates in advance, making reservations, choosing good restaurants and sending links to menus.
“They also let you know that they like you and take charge, so you really know where you stand with them and don’t have to mind-read as you do with other guys,” Jenny adds. “But I never have the feeling these men are going to be my soulmate. They’re mostly just nice, organised robots that look good and pay for dates.”
Typically, these men also have a deals-first mindset, which can colour the dating experience with a unique, financial-hued shade. “I tend to be quite avoidant, and I’ve noticed that the finance bros sense that and their competitive nature comes out.
They really want to win the deal, and they see dating someone as a way of winning. So, they come on really thick and fast at the beginning. But then they do tend to get bored once they’ve broken me down or I start liking them.”
Working in finance requires a fast pace: money moves quickly, and so must you.
Perhaps, then, it makes sense that men in these industries will have a particularly focused and slightly ruthless approach to dating. It’s the way they’re built to operate.
That has certainly been my experience; while I’ve never dated anyone in finance for a long period of time, I’ve gone on the odd date here and there with men in the sector: investment bankers and venture capitalists, mostly. On the whole, they have not been good experiences.
There was the very tall man who told me he wanted to buy a Ferrari because of the “status” it offered him. The curly-haired VC who called his female boss a psychopath and made sexist remarks over cocktails. And the French banker who bailed on a second date with an hour to spare because he wanted to take drugs at a music festival instead.
If I was going to find commonalities between these men, it would be that all of them valued money a little too much, aligning it with their self-worth to mask some other kind of inadequacy. Forget about men in finance; it’s the ones trying to hide their low sense of themselves you need to really watch out for. It just so happens that many of them happen to work in the same sector.
There are other risk factors, too. “I dated two finance bros in my twenties, both until we hit the two- to three-month mark, which I think came down to their inability to commit,” says Yasmin*, 36. “Their careers were so full of high-risk, volatility and speed, that I think their personal lives became quite similar. I didn't get the sense that they were really looking for something stable; from the chats we had, that always seemed quite boring to them.”
*Jenny, 33I never have the feeling these men are going to be my soulmate. They’re mostly just nice, organised robots that look good and pay for dates
Of course, the wealth was a nice perk. “I did love the fact that they could take me to nice restaurants and I could accept them paying for the bill without feeling guilty, but that quickly wore off,” adds Yasmin. “In the end, I found them quite superficial. Their careers were so focused on money and image that it made their conversations a bit dull. Personally, I wouldn't do it again. I'd much rather connect with people I can have deep chats with and I think with the nature of their jobs and lives, that just wasn't something they were able to do.”
There are risks, however, to becoming embroiled with someone in such high net worth circles, particularly where marriage is concerned. Consider Belle Burden, who confessed to having little knowledge of her husband’s financial career in her memoir, Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage, and was subsequently left dealing with myriad losses after he unexpectedly abandoned the family home. As a descendant of the American dynasty, the Vanderbilt family, Burden had her own wealth, too, so it’s a unique case, but one that speaks to the high stakes of marrying someone in a sector you aren’t a part of.
How do the men in finance themselves feel about any of this? Well, Andreas, 35, says assumptions can obviously be grating: “The supposition from 80 per cent of women I meet is that I’m a f***-boy for being a banker,” he explains. “I’ve found that frustrating and felt like I was sometimes pushing water uphill.”
Equally vexing are the high expectations on dates in terms of cost. “I had a few instances where I pitched going to The Toucan or French House for a relaxed Soho drink with dates and had their noses turned up,” Andreas adds. “The strong implication was that they expected better because I could afford more. In the end, I decided that it was a red flag if anyone turned their nose up at a relaxed boozer.”
Ultimately, everyone knows that a person’s job cannot dictate their character. While I’ve had negative experiences with men in finance, I’ve arguably had more with those in creative careers.
How someone behaves in a romantic relationship hinges on so much more than their CV could possibly declare, like their childhood, their attachment style, and the nature of their relationship with their mother.
It would be all too easy to dismiss every man in finance as a walking red flag, just as it would be too simple to give them a green one because of this newfound celebrity endorsement.
The best any of us can hope to do is judge a person based on who they are, not what they do. But for those who are dating finance bros, they may want to watch out for a lack of commitment – and beware their ruthless sides making their way into their romantic relationships.
*Names have been changed
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