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I seldom donate. And I almost never tip people.
I don't donate to the tabungs in the middle of the pasar malam, I don't donate to beggars at the kaki lima, and I don't donate to buskers or the handicapped makcik selling tissues.
I don't donate to tahfiz centres, the building of surau or the renovation of masjid.
I don't donate to flood victims or victims of fire.
Heck, I didn't even donate for Gaza.
You might think I have a heart made of stone. That's okay. I work hard for my money, and I like to spend it wisely.
I prefer giving money to people who don't ask me for it. I buy groceries for neighbours whom I can see are struggling. I give the makcik selling kuih a big note and tell her to keep the change. And almost always, if someone joins me for teh tarik and roti canai, I pay.
I just don't like the idea of people asking other people for money.
Maybe it's a trust issue. I don't automatically believe that because someone tells me they need money, they actually need money.
Every day, I see people receiving financial assistance while still enjoying Astro, air-conditioning, cars, expensive phones and perfectly respectable lifestyles. I see people who tell me they are struggling sitting in mamak shops for hours, lepaking and smoking away, and I find myself thinking: “Why should I, who work bloody hard for my money, give it to someone who isn't working bloody hard for theirs?”
Perhaps that makes me heartless. Perhaps it makes me cynical. But at least I'm consistent.
This week, Malaysia has given me a rather interesting experiment.
Najib Razak needs RM50 million.
And Umno has opened a donation fund to help him pay it. It is called Tabung Solidariti Najib Razak, and Malaysians have responded with astonishing speed. Within three hours, more than RM634,000 had been collected. By 9.30am the following morning, the fund had reached RM1 million.
One million ringgit.
From ordinary people donating as little as RM10.
Wow.
If you are receiving cash aid via SARA because life is financially difficult, yet you are putting RM10 or RM20 into a fund to help a convict pay a RM50 million fine, I am genuinely confused.
We have people counting their notes and coins at the supermarket while voluntarily sending some of those same ringgit towards a RM50 million bill belonging to a former prime minister.
Explain that to me, because I don't understand the economics.
But perhaps this isn't economics.
Perhaps it's loyalty.
And loyalty, apparently, is worth money.
Consider the absurdity. There are Malaysians who buy their wives a RM20 handbag from the pasar malam because that is what they can afford. RM20.
And now Malaysians are being asked to contribute towards a man whose wife has been publicly associated with luxury handbags costing tens of thousands of ringgit.
You cannot make this shit up.
The man buying a RM20 handbag is being asked to help pay a RM50 million fine for a man from a completely different universe of wealth and power.
And somehow, this is being called solidarity.
Maybe it is.
I know, I know. Nobody is forcing anyone to donate. If you want to give Najib RM10, give him RM10. If you want to give him RM10,000, knock yourself out. It is your money.
But let's stop pretending that poverty and generosity are the same thing. They aren't.
There is a difference between giving someone money because they need it and giving someone money because you want to demonstrate loyalty to them.
One is charity. The other is allegiance.
And the speed at which this fund has reached RM1 million tells us something rather uncomfortable.
Malaysians may complain endlessly about the cost of living. We complain about groceries, petrol and bills. We complain that everything is getting more expensive.
But give us the right person to be loyal to and suddenly we can find RM1 million.
Perhaps we don't have a money problem after all. Maybe we have a priorities problem. And perhaps that is the most interesting thing about this whole episode.
It tells us what people value, who they feel belongs to them, who they are willing to stand behind, and how far loyalty can make us reach into our pockets.
As for me, I'm still not donating.
Not to Najib. Not because I hate him - although I full-heartedly do. Not because I think the people donating are stupid - although I full-heartedly do. And certainly not because RM10 is going to break me.
I just have other people I would rather give my money to.
Like the people around me who keep refusing help and saying they are doing okay, but I know damn well they are not.
Maybe that's my definition of solidarity.
I don't need a tabung. I don't need a campaign. And I certainly don't need a QR code.
If I see someone who genuinely needs help, I give.
But to help a man who once had the entire machinery of government behind him - and who was subsequently found guilty of abuse of power, criminal breach of trust and money laundering?
Sorry, Bossku. I'm keeping my RM10.
Fa Abdul (fa.abdul.penang@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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