In the intricate tapestry of Malaysian society, woven with threads of hormat (respect) and communal harmony, a subtle, corrosive force often goes unchecked. It is a psychological puppet master known as "gaslighting"—a term strangely absent from our daily media, yet one that perfectly names a silent epidemic in our hierarchical culture. Gaslighting is not mere lying; it is a calculated, long-term manipulation that makes a victim doubt their own reality, memory, or perceptions. And in a society that prizes deference to authority—be it in the family, the workplace, or the political sphere—its tactics are devastatingly effective.
Imagine a young employee who questions an unclear directive. The boss, instead of clarifying, sighs and says, "You're being too sensitive. In my day, we just followed orders and were grateful. You young people lack semangat (team spirit)." The problem is deftly reframed from a flawed instruction to the employee's character defect. This is gaslighting. It twists the very values of respect and tradition into weapons to enforce compliance and silence dissent.
This manipulation thrives in the hierarchical structures we navigate daily. In the family, a parent might dismiss a child’s emotional pain with, "Don't be so dramatic. We do this because we love you," using the sacred banner of familial love to invalidate genuine hurt. In the workplace, a superior might consistently take credit for a subordinate's ideas, later insisting, "You must have misunderstood; you should be happy your work contributed to the team." The victim is left confused, wondering if their own memory is faulty, their ambition mistaken for arrogance.
On a broader societal scale, these tactics are weaponized to maintain control and obscure oppressive actions. When citizens raise concerns about governance or policy, they are not met with facts but with character assaults. Their legitimate anxieties are dismissed as being influenced by "Western values," or they are labelled unpatriotic—"tidak cintakan negara" (not loving the country). The narrative is cunningly shifted from the issue at hand to the supposed moral failings of the questioner. The manipulator, cloaked in the authority of tradition or position, systematically dismantles the public’s trust in its own judgment.
The most potent tool in the gaslighter’s arsenal is the weaponisation of "honour." Phrases like "jaga maruah" (protect dignity) or "jangan malukan keluarga" (don't bring shame to the family) are powerful cultural stances. But in the hands of a manipulator, they become a cage. A woman suffering domestic abuse may be told to stay silent to "protect the family's honour," effectively gaslighting her into believing that seeking help is a greater sin than the abuse itself. The real shame is redefined, not as the act of violence, but as the act of exposing it.
So, how do we break free from this invisible cage? The first and most crucial step is recognition. We must name this beast. By understanding gaslighting, we can reclaim our right to trust our own feelings and perceptions. When a statement makes you feel confused, small, or "crazy" for questioning it, that is a red flag.
Secondly, we must cultivate a culture of critical thinking over blind obedience. Respect for elders and authority is a beautiful Malaysian virtue, but it must not be unconditional. True respect can withstand questioning; tyranny cannot. We must encourage our children and peers to trust their "gut feeling" when doubts arise toward a narrative or imposition - it is well within their capacity to verify the cited references before acquiescence.
Finally, we must rebuild solidarity. Gaslighting isolates its victims, making them feel alone in their confusion. By speaking openly with trusted friends or colleagues, we can reality-test our experiences. When one person says, "I thought it was just me," and another replies, "I felt that way too," the gaslighter’s illusion begins to shatter.
Gaslighting is a theft of the self. It steals your confidence in your own mind. For a nation marching towards progress, recognising and resisting this subtle form of manipulation is not just a psychological exercise; it is a societal imperative. It is about protecting the integrity of our individual and collective minds, ensuring that the values of hormat and harmony are not perverted into tools of control, but remain the genuine foundations of a truly healthy and resilient Malaysia. Let us start a conversation, bring this word into our living rooms and coffee shops, and collectively switch the incandescent lights back on.
Dr Kavesh (kaveshdr@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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