If you have lived in Malaysia long enough, you can set your calendar by two things.
One, durian season. Two, heart attack season. Heart attack season comes whenever a big shot is supposed to appear in court.
This week, it was the turn of former Tabung Haji COO, Datuk Adi Azuan Abdul Ghani. 56 years old. Supposed to be charged in Shah Alam Sessions Court on September 3rd for three charges under Section 165 - public servant obtaining valuable things. Case postponed to September 24th. Why? Hospitalized. Heart problem. Admitted to UMSC since August 31st, just nice timing.
I read the news and I swear I heard the whole kopitiam sigh at the same time. Not gasp. Sigh. Because we all know the script already.
Act One: The Sakau Period
During the sakau period, there is no heart problem. No gout. No gastric. No wheel chair. The man is healthy like a horse. Can travel, can eat like a king, can holiday, can dine and wine. Can sign papers. Can attend meetings. Can go Umrah maybe. Strong.
Tabung Haji money some more. This is not any company. This is the place where Mak Cik from Kampung Sidam saves RM10 every month for 20 years to go to Mecca. Her tabung. Literally tabung. We put our trust, literally.
And when you dip your hands in that tabung, your heart is strong. Very strong. No palpitation.
Act Two: The Kena Tangkap Period
Then MACC comes. Then papers say you have to go to court. Suddenly... *tut tut tut*... chest pain.
Eh, why always like that?
I am not a doctor, I am just a common man who drinks kopi O and reads comment section. But even my auntie who failed science can see the pattern. Before being charged, no sickness. After being charged, all sickness come out at once like a buffet.
One comment I read said it best: "Sakau money time no sakit jantung. Kena tangkap time and about to appear in court, sakit jantung. Halo... angiogram can do any time la. Why must choose court date to do the procedure?"
Exactly! You could do angiogram on any Tuesday in July. But no. Must do it on September 3rd, 9am, court time.
And the lawyer will come to court with a straight face. "My client is undergoing medical examinations and treatment for heart condition, not feasible to attend." The judge nods. Postponed. See you on the 24th.
We the rakyat outside, we know what happens on the 24th. Either extension of MC, or come in wheelchair, or neck brace, or oxygen tank. Standard Operating Procedure for big fishes.
My friend said we should just build a hospital bed inside the court house. Put one katil with curtain in every courtroom. Save time. Save ambulance money. Accused can lie down and listen to charges. Doctor beside, judge beside. Two-in-one. Efficient. Malaysia Boleh.
Act Three: The Prosecutor Drama
Then we common people start asking, eh, why prosecutor also buying time?
If you know this guy will do the hospital drama, why give him chance? Why not charge from hospital bed itself? Video call also can what. During Covid we did everything on Zoom, even kahwin. Cannot charge a man from UMSC via Zoom ah?
If no guts, they will play along. Postpone. Give another date. Another postponement. Another hospital letter. By the time actual trial starts, rakyat already forgot what Tabung Haji is.
That is the real trick. It is not about escaping jail. It is about making us tired. Make us say, "Aiya, that old case again ah?" And slowly we move on to next scandal.
And it works, every time.
Statistics prove what one uncle said: "Without courts, everyone is healthy." We should close all courts; our country will become the healthiest nation in the world. No more heart disease. Ministry of Health should take note.
The Ghost in the Heart
One old man in the comments wrote something that stuck with me: "A ghost is hiding in a guilty heart. That's why all have heart problems. A first guilt is already proven."
That one deep la. Maybe true. Maybe when you take money that belongs to people who saved for Hajj, your heart knows. It keeps quiet for years while you are spending. But the moment you have to stand in front of a judge and hear your own name read out - Datuk so-and-so - that heart suddenly cannot take it.
So what can we do? We small people, we just watch. We save our RM50, we go to Tabung Haji counter, we queue. We trust.
Then we read news like this. Former COO's case postponed after hospitalization. Recycled script. Again.
I think the law should be amended. If you are healthy enough to commit the alleged crime, you are healthy enough to be charged. If you can walk into a five-star hotel for meeting, you can walk into Shah Alam court. If not, we bring court to you. We bring the charge sheet to your hospital bedside. We read it while your ECG beep beep beep. No postponement.
Otherwise, this will be precedent. Next time any minister, any high ranking official, any Datuk, any Tan Sri kena charged, he will also get chest pain on court morning. And we will be here again, drinking kopi, reading news, saying "Same old trick that works every time."
And the saddest part? The Mak Cik from kampung, her tabung is still less. Her heart is also sakit, but nobody gives her UMSC bed and postponement.
ENDS
By
Sam Trailerman
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