The other day, I came across a short video online. It talked about how Malaysian Chinese should “remember our ancestral roots” and “inherit our culture.” I get where they’re coming from — our ancestors did go through a lot. They came to this land with nothing, hoping to build a better future for their families. That deserves our respect.
However, every time I hear messages like that, I feel a slight discomfort inside. Not because I want to erase the past but because I feel like I’m being told that no matter what I experience, how I live, or where I grow up… I still don’t really belong here.
It reminded me of a moment during my recent trip to China. A friendly local smiled and said to me, “Welcome home.” I know they meant it warmly. It’s a kind gesture. But in that moment, I really wanted to gently reply, “Thanks… but my home is actually in Malaysia.”
Yes, my great-grandparents probably came from a little village in China. Maybe they left during hard times, maybe they dreamed of a new life. But I never met them. I don’t speak their dialect. I didn’t grow up on those streets. I didn’t go to school there, or laugh with friends there, or cry over silly heartbreaks there.
I grew up in Malaysia. I speak a mix of English, Mandarin, Bahasa, and whatever dialects we use at the kopitiam. I celebrate Chinese New Year with Yee Sang, bak kwa, and the smell of joss sticks — but also with satay and kuih. I grew up with Astro channels, mamak suppers, and durian season.
That’s my story. That’s my home.
Sometimes, people think that if we don’t strongly identify with “China,” it means we’re forgetting who we are. But that’s not true. Let’s take a look at the United States. Many Americans have ancestors from England, Ireland, or Germany. But most of them don’t go around saying “I’m British” just because their great-great-grandfather was. In fact, research from Pew shows that more Americans today simply identify as “American,” especially among later generations, rather than using hyphenated terms like “German-American” or “Irish-American” (Pew Research Center, 2015). They’ve built their own culture. Even their English has become distinctly different.
The same goes for us. Malaysian Chinese culture is not identical to Chinese culture. And that’s not a bad thing, that’s something to celebrate. We’ve blended traditions with local flavors. We’ve created new festivals, slang, values, and even social habits. You won’t find this mix in China or anywhere else. It's unique, it's vibrant, and it reflects who we are.
I believe that culture is important. Knowing where you come from can give you strength and grounding. I’m proud to know my heritage, to enjoy Chinese traditions, and to listen to stories of how my ancestors survived tough times.
But identity? That’s something different.
Identity is about where you live, what you experience, and who you grow into.
It’s not about rejecting your roots. It’s about building your own foundation on top of them.
We are not just copies of our ancestors. We are not “halfway home” just because we share blood with people across the sea. We are fully formed individuals, growing up in a different time, place, and world.
So yes, I’ll always respect my great-grandparents for their courage. I’ll remember that they came from China, that they worked hard, that they carried their culture with them. But I also want people to understand:
I’m not “returning” when I go to China. I’m visiting.
My home, my identity, my story. It’s all rooted in Malaysia.
I’m not denying the past. I’m just living my present.
We are not anyone’s extension.
We are not stuck between two worlds.
We are our own story.
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Felicia Yoan (feliciayoan11@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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