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By Mihar Dias (C) Copyright 2023
Ordering a simple cup of coffee should be a straightforward endeavour, right?
Well, not when you're navigating the bewildering labyrinth of rules and faux pas at Starbucks. The experience often feels like stepping into an alternate universe where a caffeine-infused language is required.
Take the recent incident at a Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) Starbucks, for instance. A customer ventured in, naively believing that a polite request for an Americano would suffice. Little did they know that they were about to embark on a perilous journey into the world of linguistic absurdity.
Imagine, you place your order in English – a widely spoken language, not just globally but also in Malaysia – and what do you get in return?
A condescending reply from the barista, who sneers, "Cakap Melayu je lah." Translated, it means, “Just Speak Malay lah.”
Now, this is where the plot thickens. Starbucks, the international coffee giant, was dragged into the fiasco. The customer rightfully called out the chain for the abysmal treatment, and what did they receive in return?
Not a humble apology, but a corporate shrug. Starbucks may have replied, but it seemed like they had a playbook on how to handle such situations: deflect, deny, and dodge responsibility.
The customer's ordeal, unfortunately, is not an isolated incident. Starbucks outlets worldwide often seem like a battleground for linguistic supremacy.
Order a “Venti Caramel Macchiato with extra foam and a shot of hazelnut, please,” and you might as well be trying to decode hieroglyphics in front of the barista.
Heaven forbid if you mispronounce "macchiato" or forget to specify the temperature; you'll be met with an arched eyebrow and a condescending smirk.
But let's not forget the ever-confusing size options: Tall, Grande, Venti, and now, the menacing-sounding Trenta.
These are not small, medium, large, and extra-large. No, that would be too simple.
Starbucks has chosen to make every drink order feel like a riddle as if deciphering an ancient manuscript.
In the end, the Starbucks experience is a microcosm of modern society's love for convoluted processes and communication.
Instead of savouring the aroma of freshly brewed coffee, we find ourselves navigating a linguistic maze, all in the name of caffeine.
So, next time you step into a Starbucks, brace yourself for linguistic minefields, arbitrary drink sizes, and baristas who may or may not understand that coffee should come with a side of civility.
Mihar Dias is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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