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By Mihar Dias January 2025
The New Year is here —a time for joy, love, and… political warfare.
Whether it’s Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Chinese New Year, the moment families gather around the table, it’s only a matter of time before the mashed potatoes and dumplings are overshadowed by heated debates about taxes, immigration, or which political party is secretly run by lizard people.
Take, for example, the legendary family next door in Penang. Their household was a microcosm of Malaysia’s political landscape. The father, a die-hard MCA supporter, believed the party’s logo was a sacred symbol that should be embroidered on every pillowcase. His son, a Gerakan strongman, spent his days arguing that his party was the only one capable of saving the nation from… well, everything. And then there was the son-in-law, a DAP stalwart, who could turn any conversation about the weather into a passionate rant about systemic reform.
Every festive gathering followed the same script:
1. The Calm Before the Storm: The family would sit down to a lavish spread of food. Compliments would fly faster than the steam rising from the hotpot. “Aunty, your roast duck is divine!”
“Uncle, this char kway teow is life-changing!” For a brief, beautiful moment, all was right with the world.
2. The First Spark: Someone would innocently mention the news. Maybe it was a passing comment about the latest by-election or a joke about a politician’s haircut. The father would chuckle, the son would smirk, and the son-in-law would clear his throat ominously.
3. The Explosion: Before you could say “pass the soy sauce,” the table would erupt. The father would accuse the son-in-law of being a “radical idealist,” the son would call his dad “out of touch,” and the son-in-law would declare both of them “part of the problem.” The lady of the house, armed with a ladle and a glare that could freeze lava, would shout, “Enough! Can we not have one meal in peace?”
4. The Aftermath: Plates would be cleared in silence, broken only by the occasional mutter of “I’m right, and you know it.” The hostess would vow never to host another gathering, only to forget her promise by the next holiday season.
This Chinese New Year, let us learn from their mistakes. Let us heed the sacred rule: Do Not Talk Politics. Instead, focus on the things that truly matter—like arguing over who gets the last piece of pineapple tart or why Cousin Kevin still hasn’t found a wife.
Imagine the possibilities if we all followed this rule:
- Uncle Lim wouldn’t have to storm out after someone called his favourite politician a “spineless jellyfish.”
- Aunty Mei wouldn’t burst into tears because someone compared her beloved party to a sinking ship.
- The kids wouldn’t have to Google “what is gerrymandering” under the table while their parents screamed about electoral reform.
So, this festive season, let us embrace the chaos of family in all its glory. Let us laugh, eat, and maybe—just maybe—avoid the third-degree burns of political discourse.
After all, nothing says “happy holidays” like a table full of people who love each other too much to bring up tax policy.
And if all else fails, remember: there’s always the option to hide in the bedroom with a plate of leftovers until the coast is clear.
Happy Chinese New Year!
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