Q: What are some things I can do to make good memories for my children and family?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Building memories as a family is important to create a sense of common identity and heritage.
Accomplishing it, though, can be tough – especially when the demands of the day-to-day grind leave you short on time and sapped of energy.
Here are some ideas for successful memory builders for families:
Gift of time: Schedule one-on-one time with your children. If you are running errands, take one of them along and talk and learn about what they find interesting. Make a special day of taking your child to work with you if your employer allows.
Use pen and paper: While your child is small and growing, journal thoughts, observations and events in their lives and give it to them when they are grown. Write letters to them for special occasions, when a milestone is reached or when they have experienced success or disappointment. When your children are ready to leave the nest for college or another destination, write a special letter pronouncing your blessings and conveying your “release”.
Plan vacations: Go for holidays that centre around the unique love and interests of your family. If funds or time are short, set up a tent and camp out in the garden or nature.
Make it special: Make holidays special by starting new traditions or re-creating old ones.
Celebrating transitions: On your child’s 13th birthday, take the entire evening to celebrate the transition to adolescence. Consider commemorating the occasion with a meaningful gift.
Don’t let the years pass without creating some memorable times that your children will cherish and perhaps pass on to their own children someday.
Q. We have agreed to let our 25-year-old daughter move back home with us. She has a part-time job but feels she needs to come back and “get her life together” before “moving on to the next step”. We don’t know what this means or how to navigate the process. Any advice?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You are in good company. For many reasons, some understandable and others regrettable, the number of young adults living at home is at a record high.
Whatever the circumstances, the goal for parents in this situation should be the same: to help their child realise emotional and material independence.
It is important to honestly evaluate everyone’s motives. Are you lonely? Needing someone who depends on you? Fearful of and avoiding the empty-nest? Or do you want to encourage growth and maturity? Is your daughter a “perma-child” looking for someone to take care of her? Or is she striving to achieve goals that will lead to her independence?
You will also need to discuss and agree on certain terms:
House rules: If you don’t approve of overnight guests, blaring stereos or profanity, clarify your standards up front.
Household responsibilities: Some amount of rent should be required, even if it is below market. Making these payments will develop habits necessary for independence. The same is true for contributions in the form of chores.
Progress indicators: Ongoing lodging privileges should be tied to evidence of moving forward. Is she searching for full-time work? Are university loans and debts being paid down? Is money being saved for future goals?
Length of stay: A goal for finding her own place should be discussed and agreed on. The date needn’t be set in stone and can be re-evaluated based on circumstances and the progress being made.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
