If you’ve been around on TikTok and Instagram Reels recently you may come across meme videos about ‘performative men’. Who exactly are these men and why are they being ‘performative’? And more importantly, do you know or are in contact with one? Read more to find out.
How to identify ‘performative men’?
In essence, performative men are a stereotype of guys in their 20s who dress up like Pinterest lookbooks, buy matcha lattes in cafes and read books not because it’s their actual hobby, but in hopes to attract women.
You will find them in cities or hipster neighbourhoods hanging out in cafes or libraries, though you may find the desperate ones on the train. They will approach and attempt to start a conversation about their outfit, how much they love listening to Clairo, or recommend their best ‘gatekept’ cafe.
The conversation may be entertaining at first but once you begin to ask deeper questions about their hobbies it becomes clear that they don’t actually know what they are speaking about beyond surface level knowledge. It’s at this point that they will begin to close in and ask for contact details, a date, or sometimes a confession of love that they memorised from a Lana Del Ray song.
@flolerigolol performative male #humor ♬ original sound – flolerigolo
What does a performative man wear?
The performative man can be seen wearing in branded clothes from niche brands. Tight fitting t-shirts from COS, JW Anderson, and Jill Anderson, and big baggy selvedge denim jeans. Bonus point if they were bought in Japan from Iron Heart, Naked Famous or Samurai Jeans, which he will claim are ‘unknown brands’.
But it is the finishing accesories that complete the performative touch. Stacked silver necklaces with pendants, unique rings on fingers with painted nails, and some kind of keyring or Labubu attached on his denim belt loop. This is to give the impression that although he works out he is also in touch with his feminine side.
His footwear choices can vary, but whether it is clogs, vintage, boots, beaten-up sneakers, or loafers they must be almost swallowed up by his jeans. In Malaysia, we have seen them in white sneakers, loafers, or the latest shoe craze, open slippers.
@olliemilo♬ Juna – Clairo
How the ‘performative man’ went viral
The trend started in July at the peak of summer and at the height of matcha’s popularity. Performative men were always around – just take a walk in Taman Paramount. But it was TikTok that brought them into limelight and made them walking stereotypes. Videos of guys in cropped t-shirts and baggy jeans set to Clairo’s hit Juna.
Soon ‘performative men’ were not only found in America, but they were also spotted in all different parts of Asia. Any metropolitan city with one too many cafes is bound to be a spawning point for them. And to prove that point, people came together to organise performative male contests in their own cities for fun. In fact, one even took place in KL!
@keih.nenough feminism for today i guess♬ This Sound Got Restricted – Doge69
So, why do men need to be ‘performative’?
The performative male is the latest addition to the types of online stereotypes for men. First there was the gym bro, and the hustler, then came the fashion mf which the performative male evolved from.
According to fashion content creator Luke Liu, social media and online trends have created personalities to adopt for us to be socially accepted. It’s the same reason why people do pilates, hyrox, or pickleball, to feel connected to a community and post about it on social media. Of course, there are people who do those things because they love them. However, there are others who make it their whole personality.
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The performative aspect comes when people do things to be socially accepted or in this case to appeal to the opposite gender. The matcha-drinking, Clairo listening, and labubu wearing comes from the fact that those are things women are interested in. Performative men believe that they can make women like them by wearing the things they like.
However, the same could be said of the opposite gender. The pilates girlie, or the matcha girlie, or the gym rat are the female counterparts of these stereotypes.
Yes, it’s shallow, but in a world of social media and unrealistic standards people like people who fit into these stereotypes. People just can’t be their real and authentic selves anymore if it doesn’t fit into a mould. From going to the gym to get an attractive figure, or playing sports to meet our soulmates. Perhaps the performative male is simply showing how we have become a performative society.
(Hero and feature image credit: Instagram/undscovered_)
