Perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause. "Ugh" is the attitude of many women towards the changes their bodies undergo as natural fertility gradually decreases, and then ceases. It's something you just have to get through.
The hot flushes, sleep problems and mood swings can be maddening. Meanwhile, you've got job and family matters to attend to. And for some women there's the additional burden of having to care for a loved one. That's a lot on your plate, and emotionally demanding.
But is the menopause nothing more than a negation, namely the end of being youthful, fertile and wrinkle-free? Or can it also be a beginning, something positive?
Of course it can be, says Dr Petra Beschoner, a specialist in psychiatry and psychotherapy. It just depends on how you approach it.
You should "see it not as the end of your femininity, but as the start of a new life phase unburdened by the biological bothers of menstruation, contraception and the hormonal roller coaster."
Realizing that youthful insecurity has made way for inner strength will boost your self-image, she says. The ability to set limits and clearly recognize your needs typically grows over the years. Many menopausal women sense opportunities for new projects, relationships and self-fulfilment.
How can you shape this life phase, proactively and self-determinedly? Beschoner recommends conscious reflection, namely by writing a farewell letter to the old phase and a welcome letter to the new. What is it that you now want? And what's possible?
Another tip is to draw up "a structured self-care plan with small steps for each area of your life," one that you should realistically be able to incorporate into your daily routine. Here are some examples of what it could include:
At your workplace, realistically adjust your expectations and, if need be, renegotiate priorities; allow for microbreaks and make sure to take them; delegate tasks instead of silently taking on the entire responsibility yourself.
In intimate relationships, openly address changes, for instance by saying things like, "I get irritated more easily now, but it's because of my situation, not you"; cultivate shared rituals and redefine intimacy, that is, take the pressure off by focusing on affection and emotional closeness.
In care work, insist on support. Enlist your partner, children or other relatives, and consider getting outside help; stop trying to be a perfectionist and accept "good enough."
Anything that stabilizes your mood and psychological resilience during your menopausal years will help bolster your inner strength, for example "regular moderate exercise, good sleep hygiene, mindfulness and stress relief via meditation, breathing exercises or journaling," Beschoner says.
"Comparing notes with other women in a similar life phase often has an enormous relieving effect as well."
In short, while you can't escape menopause, you can shape your menopausal years. If you see them as a transition, you can make rearrangements, draw boundaries and take your own interests more seriously.
You can finally start something that you may have neglected all those years: a life with greater self-determination, serenity and inner strength.
