Focus on the Family Malaysia shares practical advice on balancing individuality in marriage and setting healthy media boundaries for children
Q: My wife and I have been married for a little over two years, and we are struggling to balance our differences. We want to work as a team but I think we are afraid of losing our individual identity in the process. How can we find a happy medium?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: There is no doubt about it – marriage is a paradox. Consider this: For a relationship to be successful, couples have to give up some of their independence. At the same time, they need the freedom to thrive as individuals.
A good marriage requires the active involvement of both partners. You may have all the talent needed to succeed in your career, but marriage is different. Unless you and your spouse work together, your relationship is likely to flounder.
When two people let go of some personal ambitions for the sake of their relationship, their bond can grow stronger.
But that is only one side of the coin. The more connected you and your spouse become, the more important it is to continue growing as individuals.
Why? Because a healthy marriage is built on two unique people who can also stand on their own.
Entering marriage doesn’t mean you stop being who you are. Quite the opposite: you bring your whole self into the relationship, so it is important to become the best version of yourself. In fact, it is those differences that can make a good marriage truly great.
So, should marriage bring you and your spouse together as one, or should you remain strong individuals? The answer is “yes” to both. That is the paradox of marriage.
Q: My son has just started secondary school, and he is being exposed to all sorts of new music through his friends and peers. I have looked up some of the artists he has mentioned and was shocked by their lyrics. What can we do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: First, let us commend you for not dismissing your concerns as simply part of your child growing up. Studies have consistently shown that lyrical messages can influence young people.
As for the way forward, consider calling a family meeting. The aim should be to establish clear guidelines around entertainment and what is appropriate for your son.
Many parents don’t feel the need to verbally articulate boundaries on what is acceptable and what is off-limits.
But modelling appropriate behaviour alone is not enough. One family took this a step further by putting their boundaries in writing. Every family member signed the agreement and a copy was displayed in a visible place at home.
It won’t take long to draw up your own “family media rules”. The main purpose is to establish clear guidelines so there are no misunderstandings going forward.
You may want to begin with: “Knowing the power of the media to influence our thoughts, behaviours and actions, we as a family commit to consuming movies, content, videogames and music that are inspiring, encouraging and uplifting.”
Once your family standard has been agreed upon and everyone understands the boundaries, you may need to delete or remove media that does not comply with the rules.
Expect some resistance. It may be tough, but stand firm on your family’s values while keeping the conversation with your child open. This will help you understand your children’s interests and gauge how committed they are to following the family standard.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
