Choosing oneself can sometimes start in silence. It's not always a dramatic farewell or a choice to leave. Sometimes it's as simple as stopping to see if anyone has noticed your absence. You no longer question why they altered. You give up attempting to demonstrate your worth. And gradually, you start focusing on yourself again, where it should have been all along.
You may have persuaded yourself to accept less since you cared for a long time. You waited for their responses, acknowledged their motivations, pardoned their errors, and offered justifications for their actions. You continued to believe that things would change if you were more understanding, patient, or giving.
When you choose yourself, you stop negotiating with situations that consistently disturb your tranquility. Even if you have feelings for someone, you can distance yourself from them. Even if you miss someone, you may know that going back is not the correct decision. You don't have to grant someone equal access to your life in order to forgive them. You don't have to stay close to everyone you love.
Additionally, there is a distinction between being appreciated and sought. While being desired can be thrilling, being appreciated feels secure, reliable, and sincere. You shouldn't have to worry about your relationship status all the time. You shouldn't have to fight for someone's fundamental attention or persuade them to value the contributions you make to their life.
Accepting that some people will misinterpret your choice may be the most difficult aspect of making your own decisions. They can claim that you've changed. They might think back to the time when you put up with everything and ask why you don't now. Allow them to ponder. You are free to develop beyond the version of yourself that put up with things just out of fear of losing others.
You'll realize eventually that rejecting everyone else was never the goal of choosing yourself. It was about at last taking yourself into account when making judgments. Your emotions are important. Your time is important. Your aspirations are important. You just need to be brave enough to quit settling for less and honest about what you deserve; you don't need to become harder to protect yourself.
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