We often say we have moved on. We tell people that what happened no longer matters, that we have forgiven them, or that we simply do not care anymore. But sometimes, all it takes is hearing that person's name to bring back everything we thought we had buried.
And suddenly, we are back where it all started.
A grudge is an interesting thing. It begins with something someone said, something they did, or perhaps something they never apologised for. At first, holding on to it feels justified. After all, why should we let someone get away with hurting us?
So we remember.
We remember the words, the disappointment, the embarrassment and even the moments when we wished we had responded differently. We replay conversations in our heads, imagining all the things we should have said.
But here is something worth considering: while that person may have continued living their life, how much of yours are you still giving away to something that happened in the past?
Holding a grudge does not necessarily mean you are a bitter person. Sometimes, it simply means you were deeply hurt by someone you trusted. And healing does not happen just because someone tells you to forget about it.
Not every wound deserves an immediate apology, and not every relationship deserves another chance.
However, there is a difference between remembering what someone did and allowing it to influence every decision you make moving forward.
Forgiveness is often misunderstood. People assume it means accepting someone's behaviour, pretending nothing happened or allowing them back into your life. It does not.
You can forgive someone without rebuilding the relationship. You can wish someone well without wanting them around. You can accept that an apology may never come and still choose to move forward.
Sometimes, the closure we keep waiting for is something we have to give ourselves.
Think about it. How many birthdays, celebrations, opportunities and ordinary beautiful moments have we allowed to be overshadowed by something someone did months or even years ago?
Life is already demanding enough. Why make room for yesterday's disappointment in every new chapter?
Perhaps it is time to stop rehearsing the argument, stop waiting for them to understand your pain and stop expecting the past to give you an explanation it may never provide.
You do not have to pretend they did nothing wrong.
You simply have to decide that what they did will not define the person you become.
Some people deserve to be remembered as lessons, not carried as burdens.
Mirhaa05 (hemirhaphysio@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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