According to XUAN解忧树洞, a financially independent woman working in senior management says she has become increasingly exhausted by a marriage in which she feels she is carrying most of the family responsibilities alone.
Her husband is also a businessman with a relatively comfortable income. From the outside, they appear to have a financially stable family.
Behind closed doors, however, she says most of the household responsibilities fall on her.
Cooking, preparing meals and washing the dishes are usually handled by her. When she once asked her husband to help with the dishes, he reportedly said he disliked washing them and had never done it while growing up.
He even suggested that if she expected him to wash the dishes after she cooked, they might as well eat out instead.
Despite this, she continues to cook occasionally because she believes home-cooked meals are healthier and more nutritious for their children.
The imbalance extends to childcare.
Her husband runs his own business and usually wakes up after 10am, while she handles the children's school drop-offs and pick-ups as well as their evening tuition classes.
She says he will help when she specifically asks, especially when she has work commitments, and he does so without complaining.
What hurts her, however, is that she always has to ask.
She wishes he would occasionally take the initiative and say, “I'll pick them up today.”
Her husband is also highly sociable and plays sports three or four times a week. On those days, she says the family barely sees him.
While she and the children are already out for work and school when he wakes up, he often goes straight to play sports after they return home.
He may only come back around midnight, or sometimes as late as 2am after playing sports and chatting with friends.
She has reminded him that many of the friends who can stay out drinking or having tea until the early hours do not have families waiting for them at home.
At times, she feels that her husband is still living as though he were single.
She and the children usually go to bed around 10pm. When he plays sports several days in a row, they can go several days without properly seeing him.
After they fall asleep, he may spend his time gaming, getting massages or doing other things he enjoys.
Recently, the woman became ill and told her husband that she was feeling unwell.
He suggested that she undergo a detailed medical check-up if she was genuinely concerned, while he stayed home to look after the children.
When she asked why he could not accompany her to the doctor, his response reportedly left her deeply hurt.
He felt there was no need for both of them to spend hours waiting at the hospital. In his view, one person could go for the appointment while the other continued working and earning money.
He also said there was little point in both of them becoming nervous or frightened while waiting for the results.
The woman understands that her husband dislikes hospitals and believes this may be linked to the loss of his father in hospital.
She says she understands his trauma, but still wishes he could be there when she feels afraid.
The couple have now been giving each other the cold shoulder for three days.
She says her husband has rarely shown concern when she was unwell in the past. When questioned about it, he reportedly said he was not the type to constantly ask whether someone was feeling okay and considered himself more of an “actions speak louder than words” person.
However, she struggles to see where those actions are.
During arguments, she says he can become so emotionally distant that she feels as though her absence would make little difference to him.
Financially, she says she does not depend on him for daily living expenses. She covers most of the children's education costs and household necessities, while he handles the mortgage and car loans.
She stresses that she is not looking for someone to provide her with food or money.
What she wants is emotional support.
She wants someone who will sit beside her when she is scared, care for her when she is unwell and allow her to stop being strong all the time.
Despite their problems, she says the couple are not unhappy every day. Her husband still takes her and the children out for meals, brings them on holidays and provides them with good food.
But she feels that he has become less of a partner and more like someone who has married a woman who manages the household and raises the children.
Her biggest question is therefore not whether she can handle everything alone.
She knows she can.
Rather, she wonders why, despite having a husband, she sometimes feels as though she is living without one.
Is expecting a husband to accompany his wife to the doctor when she is scared really asking for too much?
For her, the answer is not about needing someone to take care of everything.
It is simply about wanting to feel loved, valued and cared for and knowing that even the strongest person deserves to have someone beside them when they finally need to be vulnerable.
Jovy Jing (ndreagoh@gmail.com) is a content creator under the Newswav Creator programme, where you get to express yourself, be a citizen journalist, and at the same time monetize your content & reach millions of users on Newswav. Log in to creator.newswav.com and become a Newswav Creator now!
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