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By Mihar Dias (C) Copyright November 2022
The Two Indies released a video some time ago about the Mamak Plan which I thought was already hilarious until I saw what UMNO had planned for us more recently.
The Two Indies could never dreamed up a comedy so outrageous you cannot stop laughing.
Anyway, according to The Two Indies, The Mamaks have a secret plan to secure the Malaysian "money changer" business.
They are so successful at it now almost all money changer kiosks in the country are run by the Mamak community.
Then they decided to control the economy by establishing a network of Mamak restaurants selling roti canai. The last known figure of Mamak restaurants is about 10,000 throughout the country.
In jest, The Two Indies say the Mamaks are planning to control the economy by slowly "killing" everyone with food that do not eat themselves.
The Mamak are feeding Malaysians with oily, greasy roti canai and teh tarik full of MSG, sugar and condensed milk.
It's funny to hear people laugh but the truth is that carbohydrates, high cholesterol and sugar will eventually kill all Malaysians with heart diseases, diabetes, and perhaps cancer too.
But since it was told in jest nobody seems to take it seriously. The Mamaks are killing you and you are laughing.
However, on the quiet, the Mamaks have acquired a big slice of the Malaysian economy by facilitating the "inflow and outflow" of money and the management of the restaurant industry in the country laughing all the way to the bank.
Now consider an UMNO's plan presented by none other than Zahid, the President of the party himself, fondly referred to as "Jahid Comedy" although hardly a comedian like the Two Indies.
First Zahid planned to stay in power so bad he maneuvered Ismail Sabri Yaakob, PM9 into holding a General Election during the Monsoon hoping that people would not show up to vote because of the threatening weather conditions.
His theory is, if fewer people were to show up the UMNO-BN coalition would win with a landslide. The only landslide he should worry about is the one that might hit houses on slopes during heavy rain.
But unknown to him the opposition has campaigned hard asking Malaysians in Singapore to return to vote and pushed for early voting by post for those who are overseas.
Next Zahid picked and chose candidates who are WALI "winnable, acceptable and likable individuals".
Wali may be referred to as "saints" in colloquial Malay. Now labeling politicians as saints that's almost sacrilegious. Are you laughing?
But Zahid dropped two not-so saintly old horses from Perlis, one in Kelantan and another in Perak.
The two old saintly horses in Perlis galloped into a stable of the opposition. Some new WALI that Zahid decided to parachute in from outside the constituency might not get the support of locals who insist on voting for their old saints that they knew well.
Then unconfirmed reports say Zahid entered into a deal with Anwar to form a coalition after GE15 to make the latter a PM in order to hell free him from all criminal charges.
This is almost as big a plan as The Mamak's wanting to control the whole economy of Malaysia via money changers and roti canai restaurant network.
But if Zahid's plan was true then it's only a manifestation of what had transpired at many recent UMNO meetings where some senior members wanted to appoint their own AG who in turn would be obliged to drop all charges against Zahid and other party bigwigs.
Are you still laughing?
Here's the best laugh that even The Two Indies of Comedy Court have not thought as possible.
Ismail Sabri Yaakob the Caretaker Prime Minister from UMNO woke up one day and decided to declassify reports from a Special Task Force investigating former AG Tommy Thomas appointed by Pakatan Harapan.
He declared that his intention to declassify the report of Putrajaya’s investigations into former AG's book was for UMNO-BN to use it as political “bullets” to attack Pakatan Harapan.
At a rally at Bagan Datuk recently, Ismail Sabri urged the party machinery to “capitalise” on the findings to attack its rivals in the general election campaigns. (Malaysiakini)
However, those bullets seem to have ricocheted back in the face of Ismail Sabri's face and UMNO-BN as well.
Sarawak Report says Ismail's blatant admission that the whole purpose for setting up such an inquiry was to identify “possible offenses” and then releasing the confidential findings for purposes of electoral gains is shocking and indeed preposterous. (SarawakReport)
So Tommy Thomas filed an affidavit and accordingly sued Ismail Sabri and the government he helmed and the authors of the report over an illegal action against him that he claimed has severely tarnished his name in the process.
He points out that the Report has asserted that as "Attorney General he abused his power; exceeded his authority; was professionally negligent; interfered in the Judiciary and was corrupt." (SarawakReport)
Thomas also claimed that this attack on him was deliberate and malicious and intended to harm him.
It would be hard for Ismail to deny that harmful intent on Thomas when his own remarks clearly stated that the report was to be used as “ammo” against the opposition... (SarawakReport)
Don't you think all these events are really hilarious? If The Two Indies act out the events it would certainly bring down the house.
And guess who will be laughing all the way to the bank should the court rule in favour of Tommy Thomas in months to come.
And guess what The Two Indies would be saying next when they poke fun at Ismail Sabri Yaakob and the government of the day over this legal bungling and bullets that ricocheted right back in the PM's face!
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